Being adopted.....

Well, for a while I have belonged to a family but I still felt like I was on the outside looking in. It is my in-laws. Not just the close family of brothers-inlaw or sisters-inlaw, but there are about 55 people in my extended in-lawish family. But it is understandable that I feel a little left out, they have all grown up together and had things to do with each other. So, an outsider who is not used to having family around finds it hard to find a niche in this kind of a world. Well, as I have gotten older and had more and more to do with this family both in individuals and as families I have learned that I can do things and still be myself and yet not embaress myself. AWESOME!! And that I have great ideas that meld with the family as much as someone who has known them their whole lives! Anyways. I am just excited.

Frustration

So I have been trying to decide how I can rest in some things that have been going on around me.I know that I have not taken the time to get on here as much and I just need to. I think that it would be a really good thing to come on here and do this, I know too that I have said this before. But we will see what happens! ; ) Anywhoo. This is where I am at. I watching people all around me who say that they have the same beliefs as I do and yet they are making choices that are going against what I/"we" believe. I just do not get it. Well, I know that this is not really long, but that is all I know to say without writing a novel or something. I guess I just want to send this out to the world wide web and that is all. Why do people hate the idea of having a black and white set of rules, what is this need we have for gray areas. Yes I know that they exist, but when it comes to boundries why do we have the need to buck them and to test them and to live in the moment and not to care about what our decision today might do to our tomorrow! I don't know I am just in a quandry and trying not to live by judging others because that will lead to my own judgement and I KNOW that I am not perfect. But all things should work themselves out. I will give my burdens to the One who cares the most!

Stressful week

So, here I am having a very busy week. I knew that it was going to be a busy week going in to it. I was very busy. Everyone was so busy around me too. We have had tons of sunshine and warm weather. YAY! I live somewhere where we have had a snowy dark winter and now.. we have sunshine and light and heat. I am very thankful for that. My week kind of started crazy last week. My oldest daughter's birthday was coming and I wanted her to have a slumber party with her little friends on Friday night. I didnt sleep Thursday night because I was so excited. Then the little girlies decided to be awake until 1215 am. SO, once again, I did not sleep. Then on Saturday I had a bridal shower I went to for someone new coming into "the family" (My Husbands family is about 55 people and we all live in about a 40 mile radius, with only one or two people living out that far. The bulk of the family lives within about a 15 mile radius that is what I call "the family".) And that was fine and then we had dinner with a family friend and that was good. We got some crazy news about something and so I did not sleep Saturday night. But it was only a small piece of the picture and so on Sunday after having found out a little more and then going to my Mom's for lunch and then shopping for Frick's birthday and then going to another family members for dinner I once again did not sleep on Sunday night. I had to get up and go to work on Monday morning, which I know I have whinned about not usually doing that before, and after work on Monday I went to finish up birthday shopping and spent time with my kidos. I did not sleep in Monday night because I found out even more about the crazy news. Then on Tuesday I went to my Mom's house to get ready for Frick's birthday. I made her a cake and cleaned the house and got her shish-ka-bobs ready. That was the dinner that she had requested. I spent a few hours with her at school and that was fun. Then she was blessed with some great birthday presents. Tuesday night I was very tired, but I was excited because Wednsday was Field Day at Frick's school!! So, once again I did not sleep too well. I spent the day with Frick's class and even Frack came to the festivities for a little while. It was great fun, but I was tired when I got home, but I still went to a class that I am taking. When I got home, I think that I finally slept, but it was not enough. I could have slept more. Then instead of getting my house clean like I needed to, I got a mirgraine headache and I did not feel good at all. (WARNING!! I am going into whinning mode!) I just didn't feel good. And then it was Frick's last day of first grade and that was depressing to me. I feel sad that she is getting older. I am afraid that I will lose her one day. I hate to see her get older and more and more capable and not really need me. But I know that we will always be friends and that some part of her will always need me. She is amazing and I love her alot. She is reading this over my shoulder and is correcting my spelling as I go. HAHAHA!!! Well, that is all I have for now.

Crazy Monday

So, I had to work today when normally I do not work on Mondays. I really like being home because then i can clean up after the weekend. Sometimes we have boring weekends, but any more we have BUSY weekends. So, it means I need to catch up on laundry and all that stuff. But we are busy at work and I needed to take some time and finish up some things. So, I went to work. Nothing too exciting but I did finish some things. That is good, but, I missed being at home. The sun was out. It was a little bit colder than this weekend, but that is okay. Okay. That is all, I just wanted to say I had to work today and I was not happy. But, I survived and then got to take Julie to Fred Meyers and do some grocery shopping and we had a lot of fun. She was cracking me up and being really silly. I know that she is amazing when she is all by herself but as she is the baby and the kids are so close in age, we really have not been alone together very much at all. But, that will change this fall when all the other kids will go to school. My little boy will be in Kindergarten this fall and so, I will only have one little girl at home. It will be different and I am not too sure what to think about it at all, but, that is ok. Julie and will have lots of fun. It will be good to do some things all by ourselves. Well, I will sign off now, I just wanted to get something down.

Into to spring/summer we go

Here we are in the beginning of May. When we first moved here, I we saw that May was the prettiest month here. The snow melts and leaves the green to come out. But the last few years it has not been like that. Last year we had a HORRIBLE summer. It was rainy and dark.Our winter was not the worst one, but we did have a two or three week period were the temp did not get above 10 degrees below zero. That was misrable. I hope that does not happen again. But I am sure at some point in my life... it will. But here we are tiptoeing into our spring and nobody knows what we are in store for. I think that every person is HOPING that we will not have a repeat of last year. But, on the 20th of April, we had a great sunny day. Then the sun dissapeared for a couple of days and then... we hit 60 degrees this last Wen. It was HEAVEN. Since then we have even hit 70 degrees. It is Sunday night right now. And I am sure that anyone who is friends with someone on Facebook who lives in Alaska, they will tell you that we are enjoying the sunshine. It is totally awesome. The last few days has been great. We already had more sunny and more heat than ALL of last summer. So, I am Oh So happy. I am going into a busy week, but it is okay I am just trying to remember to see the little things and sieze the little moments. But, anyways, that is what I am thinking about today.

Been too long

Well, it has been way too long since I have blogged. I like doing it, I just need to make it a habit. SIGH! I have way too many things to make a habit and a steady thing in my life. Today I worked all day to get the kids all set up. I cleaned up the kids room and moved beds around. I am hoping it makes the night times a little easier. I have had two kids in my bed for a week straight and I am DONE with all of that! It has been a great week weather wise here. Normal is about 40or50. We hit 68 today! I am loving it! The sun is so nice!! But, its all good anyways. There is alot of change going on all around me. I have a friend who is leaving and that is not really hitting me yet. I am pretty sure that it will. It has been a long time since I have had to say goodbye to someone. I am also sure that it will be hard. It is someone that I am pretty close too, we go shopping together for groceries and other things. So, I will need to adjust. And it will be ok. We have a staff change going on with our pastors. I am not too sure what to think about that. But, life will go on and I will be ok. In fact some day I will be good. I am not a big fan of the whole change thing and I will be figuring that all out. I know that I need to adjust my life not to be too busy. I am not too sure how to do that. I am really going to be praying for that. I know that it is one thing that I need to fix. Praying more. Spending time with the Lord to see what He is saying. I also need to cook every day and to do away with the bad things in my life. Bad things meaning the things that are not good for me. Soda, sugar, fast food, I need to pray to break those things off so that I will not have to fight it off. But anyways, not to keep going on. But I am in the middle of some crazy thinking and they are just making me a little nuts. But I will be good again. Okay. Subject change. Hahaha. I told you way too much about change. I will need to get some sleep and then I will be able to come up with something better to share about. YAY SPRING!!

I just don't get people sometimes

I am in the middle of a project at my daughters school. I have been involved with it since about October. We have a due date that is four days away. The person in charge has done this project for a couple of years, she knows the inside and outs of getting this project done. So, I have totally let her be in charge. I was only asked to help not to lead. That is a-okay with me. The other person who was supposed to be helping is more of a stronger personality than mine. Where I tend to lay back and let others make desicions (really because it doesn't matter to me) the other two were wanting things a certain way and they have eyes to see differently. Which is all good. In the grand big world we need people of both kinds doing both things. I am totally fine with that. Now, the whole situation has gotten nuts. The woman in charge hit a personal tradgedy in January and that has effected the project. Now we are under the wire to get this all done, which again I really don't mind. There should be grace for those who are going through stuff. That is just how I feel. As a person I need to extend the same grace to others that I would desire to be extened to me. Because, now that we are ready to finish the project the other woman, not the one in charge, is lashing out and is going through her own personal stuff. She is just not happy and now she is dumping her stuff on the woman in charge. So, here I am patting hands and just telling everyone "Cant we all just get along??" No its not that bad, we are just trying to get some stuff done. It will all happen. I know that much. I just don't understand why we (I only sometimes do it though ;) ) as a people do not put others first sometimes. I would hate to walk in either woman's shoes, but the Lord above knows how much they can handle and so He is with them with every step they take.

Feeling of Spring

Where I live, spring doesn't get sprung until about the middle of May. But, I have hope as it gets lighter outside that that time is getting closer. Right now it is light at 8am and dark about 7pm. It makes such a difference when you thought that the light was never coming back. But, I have always loved spring. Actually, I love all the change of the seasons. I cannot pick one that I like more than the others. I love spring because the winter is ending. And it always seems like the darkness is so heavy just before it gets light again. And then, just when you think that it is not going to get any better, there is the light. And then the snow goes, and then the trees bloom. My favorite bloom of all was the year my daughter Frick was born. I went into labor and it was a warm day, I went for walks and I just rested. And then it was time to go have her and then four hours after she was born we were on our way home and there was green leaves everywhere. It was so beautiful. But, I also love this beginning of spring because it feels like a renewal I can look at things that I need renewing. It is a little different then the new year, because that is a time to try to start over, now, it is time to look at the possiblilities and jump in some new rivers. I know that right now in my life, I feel like I am getting closer to something big and every day is a new step toward change and toward somewhere where I am supposed to be. I am always looking to learn about myself and to become the person that I know that my God wants me to be. I know that He sees me as perfect and His child. I love that about Him. But, I also know that there are things in my life that keep me from the place where belong as the best person I should be. But, I am getting better. So, I am happy, spring is on the way.

It's Amazing the Power of Being a Parent

Well, I spent most of like the last month in bed or just out of it. It is totally lame. And I have had my freak out moments. There have been tears, wailing, crossed arms, dark looks, and I have been living in Gilmore Girl land. It is a happy place, I can watch all seven seasons right in a row. I am still not happy about the final ending, but what can I do except watch it and live on in my life. Now, you might be wondering, what in the world does any of that have to do with being a parent? Well, I will get there, I am only setting the stage. And being a girl by taking my time and giving the history. So, I am sick. It started with my hip about two weeks of pain and not being able to get comfy not matter where I sat/laid, I started to feel better. I was so happy. Then I woke up a day later with a terrible sore throat. Then I only slept three hours, making it so much worse. So I cried my way through Gilmore Girls, felt bad about myself, hated feeling sick, and was just in a funk. And then my son, Frack woke up Friday with the same cold, only for him it was worse, he has asthma and has been struggling since Christmas with sleeping and even moving with out coughing. All day he was getting medicine. Then on Saturday he really got worse. We would give him his meds and nothing was helping. So, at six that night we took the girls to my parents and then took Frack to the emergency room. The hospital is always great when we go, obviously he is pretty bad when we go the the extreme of the ER. But they always call us right back to be seen and to start treatments on Frack. He is a very good little boy. He always blows the doctors, nurses and respitory thearispists away. He is cheeful, obedient, I can tell that they have not seen too many kids that are well behaved in the midst of not being able to breathe. I am proud of him. And it is not like I have browbeat him into submission when it comes to the doctors or the hospital. I have NEVER had to tell him to be good in those situations, not that I would EVER tried to make him be on his best behavior when he cant breathe. He is just a happy little boy and he stays that way even when sick. So, I say all of that to say, when Mom Mode kicks in, all sickness goes to the back burner. I was there for him and I did what was important for Frack. I did not worry about myself and how tired I was or how sick I was I did not even think about it until we were on our way home and my brother asked me how I was doing. But, I guess when it came down to it, I actually had what it took. A crazy way to be reassured, but I am thankful Frack is better and he is such a good boy.

Sometimes I wish.....

Well, I cannot believe that it has been almost a month since I have blogged. One, time has gone by WAY too fast and two, I am WAY too busy, with no end in sight.

I was just reading back on some of what I have written.
I am in pain right now, my right hip has kind of locked up on me and there is really no position that is comfortable for me right now. Which totally stinks. I battled with this last year and spent like 3 days in bed. It was lame. Now here I am again. In my mind I think if only I had made some changes, then my hip would not hurt so bad. It is so true that it might be nothing, but I know that my weight has added to my pain. And I really hate that. I wish (hence the title) that I could just get control of those things that seem to control me. There are not too many things in my life that I need to readjust, but there are some. And right now sitting here in pain there are some that I need to take a stand on at least 2 of them. There are some things that I wish, when even as a type that I feel a twinge, because I can't live my life in I WISH land. I have to live in RIGHT NOW land. Yes I know that I can have hopes, but there is no where where I am told I get to have expectations and then whine until the hope comes about. Nope, I am to have hope and yet still go on. However, I have seen little breaks in some of my hopes. Last night my husband brought me flowers, with out me asking,crying, hinting or anything else. He said he knew that I needed them right now. It the last ten years he has only given me flowers 3 times. And two of those times have been in the last 6 months!!! I know that might seem like something small to expect and even smaller to be so surprised when it happens, but if you knew my husband you would understand. Anyways that is my little blurb on wishing.

New Year... New Nosilla?

Well, it stands to reason that a new year is a great time to look over your life and see what changes you would like to change. To reflect on last years good intentions and how badly I might have missed the mark. The best part is that there is always hope. If I try to look for it. I want to choose to be happy with the last year, move on from the various trips around the mountain and go from there. There was alot of change in my life last year. Most of it for the better. Some not so much. I would really like to take this next year and take those things and rise above them. One good things that I have is that I am not alone on my walk to see what I should change. There is a measuring stick, for lack of a better word, that I can see. God has made us physically in His image. Genesis says so. He loves me enough to make me to look like Him. Now I just need to act like Him. While seemingly unattainable.... its the road that makes life worth living. The best part is GRACE. I do not have to hit the mark perfect EVERY time. He instead just calls us to try. Forgiveness is one of God's best gifts. So, I am going into this year with Hope in my heart that no matter what comes my way, I will stand. And that I can make the character changes that overcome my human being nature and instead reflect the nature of my Father God.