Feeling of Spring

Where I live, spring doesn't get sprung until about the middle of May. But, I have hope as it gets lighter outside that that time is getting closer. Right now it is light at 8am and dark about 7pm. It makes such a difference when you thought that the light was never coming back. But, I have always loved spring. Actually, I love all the change of the seasons. I cannot pick one that I like more than the others. I love spring because the winter is ending. And it always seems like the darkness is so heavy just before it gets light again. And then, just when you think that it is not going to get any better, there is the light. And then the snow goes, and then the trees bloom. My favorite bloom of all was the year my daughter Frick was born. I went into labor and it was a warm day, I went for walks and I just rested. And then it was time to go have her and then four hours after she was born we were on our way home and there was green leaves everywhere. It was so beautiful. But, I also love this beginning of spring because it feels like a renewal I can look at things that I need renewing. It is a little different then the new year, because that is a time to try to start over, now, it is time to look at the possiblilities and jump in some new rivers. I know that right now in my life, I feel like I am getting closer to something big and every day is a new step toward change and toward somewhere where I am supposed to be. I am always looking to learn about myself and to become the person that I know that my God wants me to be. I know that He sees me as perfect and His child. I love that about Him. But, I also know that there are things in my life that keep me from the place where belong as the best person I should be. But, I am getting better. So, I am happy, spring is on the way.

It's Amazing the Power of Being a Parent

Well, I spent most of like the last month in bed or just out of it. It is totally lame. And I have had my freak out moments. There have been tears, wailing, crossed arms, dark looks, and I have been living in Gilmore Girl land. It is a happy place, I can watch all seven seasons right in a row. I am still not happy about the final ending, but what can I do except watch it and live on in my life. Now, you might be wondering, what in the world does any of that have to do with being a parent? Well, I will get there, I am only setting the stage. And being a girl by taking my time and giving the history. So, I am sick. It started with my hip about two weeks of pain and not being able to get comfy not matter where I sat/laid, I started to feel better. I was so happy. Then I woke up a day later with a terrible sore throat. Then I only slept three hours, making it so much worse. So I cried my way through Gilmore Girls, felt bad about myself, hated feeling sick, and was just in a funk. And then my son, Frack woke up Friday with the same cold, only for him it was worse, he has asthma and has been struggling since Christmas with sleeping and even moving with out coughing. All day he was getting medicine. Then on Saturday he really got worse. We would give him his meds and nothing was helping. So, at six that night we took the girls to my parents and then took Frack to the emergency room. The hospital is always great when we go, obviously he is pretty bad when we go the the extreme of the ER. But they always call us right back to be seen and to start treatments on Frack. He is a very good little boy. He always blows the doctors, nurses and respitory thearispists away. He is cheeful, obedient, I can tell that they have not seen too many kids that are well behaved in the midst of not being able to breathe. I am proud of him. And it is not like I have browbeat him into submission when it comes to the doctors or the hospital. I have NEVER had to tell him to be good in those situations, not that I would EVER tried to make him be on his best behavior when he cant breathe. He is just a happy little boy and he stays that way even when sick. So, I say all of that to say, when Mom Mode kicks in, all sickness goes to the back burner. I was there for him and I did what was important for Frack. I did not worry about myself and how tired I was or how sick I was I did not even think about it until we were on our way home and my brother asked me how I was doing. But, I guess when it came down to it, I actually had what it took. A crazy way to be reassured, but I am thankful Frack is better and he is such a good boy.

Sometimes I wish.....

Well, I cannot believe that it has been almost a month since I have blogged. One, time has gone by WAY too fast and two, I am WAY too busy, with no end in sight.

I was just reading back on some of what I have written.
I am in pain right now, my right hip has kind of locked up on me and there is really no position that is comfortable for me right now. Which totally stinks. I battled with this last year and spent like 3 days in bed. It was lame. Now here I am again. In my mind I think if only I had made some changes, then my hip would not hurt so bad. It is so true that it might be nothing, but I know that my weight has added to my pain. And I really hate that. I wish (hence the title) that I could just get control of those things that seem to control me. There are not too many things in my life that I need to readjust, but there are some. And right now sitting here in pain there are some that I need to take a stand on at least 2 of them. There are some things that I wish, when even as a type that I feel a twinge, because I can't live my life in I WISH land. I have to live in RIGHT NOW land. Yes I know that I can have hopes, but there is no where where I am told I get to have expectations and then whine until the hope comes about. Nope, I am to have hope and yet still go on. However, I have seen little breaks in some of my hopes. Last night my husband brought me flowers, with out me asking,crying, hinting or anything else. He said he knew that I needed them right now. It the last ten years he has only given me flowers 3 times. And two of those times have been in the last 6 months!!! I know that might seem like something small to expect and even smaller to be so surprised when it happens, but if you knew my husband you would understand. Anyways that is my little blurb on wishing.