Too bad you can't divorce the people in your life

Now, I know that sounds like a harsh beginning. But it sums up where I am at. I would love to walk away at this point and rebuild a different life. A life that is filled with people who are wanting to live a life that is sold out and serving the Most High. Bringing people to Him with their lives, their giftings, their passions, their loves. I want to be living for something worth Jesus giving His life for. I know that is my calling. What I was meant to do. This is my deepest desire. That my life would be a light to those looking for freedom and light. All I ask is for someone to want to be in my life. A friend. Tried and true. Family that would want to be invested in my life. My parents are here for me. It's awesome. They love me. My husband is amazing. But, its all I got. And I am happy. But I know I was made for more than that. I just want to find the missing pieces to my heart and my life. I must pray. I must lay down all of that.

Waves of Drama

There are times in my life, when everywhere I turn there is some sort of drama. Usually it is not in my little tiny family, but often in the second ring of family or in the larger ring of family. I like standing on the beach and hearing the water come and go, it reminds me of God and fills me with peace as He washes in and over me. I don't like feeling like I am standing on a beach and there is just wave after wave of disapointment over a family members choice, or another family members reaction to said matters. I am ready to just walk away from those moments and rest somewhere away from it all. I hate that engines of relationship can be used to hurt people and not let people just be people. I hate opinions that people have and they share no matter if they hurt people or not. I know I have opinions, but I hope that I don't hurt people with them. If I do, I need to start to harness those ideas and feelings and the "right" to share and be right. Anyways, just some thoughts.

New Changes

Well, it is officially Mid June. What in the world. This year is passing me by. I hate that. I don't want time to go by and allow nothing to change. I have a desire to make changes and have them effect how I do things. I want to not be in pain all the time. I want to have energy and be positive. There is a way. I hope. Nope, I know. I just need to pull up my bootstraps and do it. I know that I say that all the time too. No bueno. I need a goal. I am just not too sure what I should do. My stupid personality doesn't allow me to stick to things. So, how do you erase things in your personality that are there for a reason. Like, why are those things there, though. I think there can be a good thing in our bad traits. I am afraid to fail. There I said it. Acceptance is the first step towards fixing things. When I fail, someone is let down. How do I let that sink in? Why should I be the cause of that? I am not sure how to let things go. This is what I am working on.

New Year New Stuff

So, in the last month I have been on vacation in California, and on the beach at 82 degrees, and then in the snow and at around 13 degrees. Moved from our apartment to renting a duplex at adding about half the size again of the house. Well, that was last week. I still have to clean up the old house. There are a couple of places to clean up and finish packing. Then the fun begins of going through the mountain of boxes in the garage and finding a place for everything. I am trying to learn some lessons of cleaning and keeping things in order. Wow, I feel like I I have been trying to learn this lesson for years. DO you ever really learn it and learn it well. I am not too sure. Bu tere is hope. And with that I can do anything. I will meet my goals this year. I was sitting in CA and needed to write out what I wanted to accomplish this year. So I think there was six. I will take time to list them... later. I am tired. :D